Coming Soon to a DVD player near you, I hope!

Lights!

Camera!

Action!

Move over Jude "I'm in SIX frigg'in movies right now" Law!

I too am in a movie.

I play a very cool hitman who goes by the moniker of Orson. I sport a Navy Pea Coat, a turtle neck sweater, a touke (hat) and I walk around shoving a Colt .45 in various faces. I also slash tires, ransack a house, pick a lock, and then I get shot, left for dead, come back for revenge, get shot again and die a glorious cinematic death. Yet still, in the end, I save the main characters life, a kid played by a young actor named Thomas Lewis. So I got that going for me. I am a hitman with a heart of gold.

SNAP is the creation of a gifted young filmaker by the name of Andy Muto. It played to a packed house on the big screen here in Savannah one time at the Trustees theater and it is actually quite good. The DVD is gonna drop soon, I am told. The kid in the film was just in a movie called "Stroke of Genius" about the great amateur golfer Bobby Jones. He played the young Bobby Jones and Jim "The Passion of the Christ" Caviezal" played the grown up Bobby.

Anyway. I have no idea if they are going to festival this thing, sell it off to Italian TV or what. But one night, you might be channel surfing and see me and wonder if you've been drinking too much, and the answer is NO, you have not, for that is ME swaggering around your TV screen.

And then you can say you knew me when...

(here is the DVD case, dig the cool eyes of a hitman) The picture is huge, I know, but it's the only one I have.

Undecided? What the F-iretr-UCK?

How can a person be so completely out of touch with daily existence in this country as to be pigeon holed as an undecided voter? I'm not talking about an "Undecided Non-Voter" but someone who maybe once, in their past, actually VOTED.

Who are these people? Do you personally know of one? Please, do me a favor, find one of these undecided voters and then ask them what their deal is. Once you know, please report back to me here, in the comments section. I am utterly fascinated with their species.

I can understand the undecided voter when it comes to say, keeping up with the banality of local elections, and the unfamiliarity with a candidate who is seeking a position like say, coroner, but really, the PRESIDENTIAL election? THIS Presidential election? Still undecided?

After the full-steam crazy ride we've all been on since we rang in the the Millenium and crushed the dreaded Y2K bug with a mere slap, how in the world could one of these people be so far out of the day-to-day communal loop and thus remain UNDECIDED?

How did they MISS the last FOUR YEARS? (Coma patients are excused)

Once the new century really got to roiling, starting with the most thoroughly botched/stolen election in our nations history, life 'round here became more and more surreal, kicked into high gear of course with that fucked up day in September. And this was followed by the opening military salvo against Evil, ie; Kicking the Ass of The Taliban, which as we all know, is another way to spell TERRORISTS.

Then it was off to Iraq, to finally deal with the REAL business at hand, which of course had nothing to do with TERROR and everything to do with "$$$$" unless of course you are one of those intellectually challenged uni-brows that thinks it had EVERTHING to do with TERROR and whatever knee-jerk patriotic swill the Bush speechwriters are able to cook up to stuff between the ears of the faithful herd. The idea of "Terror" as we have seen, makes for a great smokescreen and keeps the "Security Moms" all tense and ready to pounce.

Now, I know these sort of folks are FAR from undecided as I've seen the "W-'04" bumper stickers so proudly slapped next to the stickers with the badly drawn bald eagle that says something like "THE POWER OF PRIDE" with great regularity around these parts, but that is to be expected, for this is Georgia, a Red State and full of people who love to "Kick-Ass" no matter whose ass it is. They love those stickers! They really get pumped when they slap the NYPD/NYFD logos next to the faded confederate flag sticker that they put on when they first bought the vehicle (now, since 9-11, it's okay to like those damn "Yankee's" but the idea of "Heritage" (which is a code word for: good Christian racism and a general level of geographically defined intolerance) still rings loud and proud around these parts.

But dammit, there is still a lot of chrome to cover up on the bumper of an Ford F-150 pick-up truck, so all of this is surrounded by a couple of sweat-shop made yellow-ribbon stickers with the words "Support our Troops" and "Jesus Is A Republican" printed on them. Now of course, all of these stickers were churned out by a nine-year-old Indonesian boy (and future member of Al Qaida) for 12-hours-a-day and hardly any rupiah's - because they probably had to close the Georgia bumper sticker factory and move it to Jakarta - because for some damn liberal reason, 12-year-old kids can't legally WORK in Georgia and even if they could, they'd probalby want to start a damn union, and we can't have that.

Anyway, I digress.

The political weather has changed so dramatically in this country in these last four years, so I want to know HOW a person can get up each day, dress for the beach, but step into snow when they walk outside and still NOT notice the COLD!!??

Please, I beg of you, find one of these people, take um down with a tranquilizer dart, then radio-tag'um and let'um loose, I desperately want to study their habits.

My Transformation Is Complete!

Now I know why Richard Burton was in EQUUS

Last night, I was out back chucking the tennis ball to my insatiable tennis ball addicted dog and my young neighbor saw me and walked over to shoot the shit.

He's a student at the local art college and we met right after I moved here two years ago. I've always enjoyed our strange chats, they tend to go into loopy realms, meaning, he has a lot funny ideas about regular things - I don't think he reads much. He sort of reminds me of the Ashton Kutcher character on "That 70's Show" in look and manner. He's a happy-go-lucky, bong-worshipping, product design major who occasionally comes across as being rather, how shall I say...dim?

Anyway, we were chatting about how both of our houses are on the market - we both rent - and how the sale of each would affect us. He then pointed to the house that sits next to mine and said, "Speaking of selling things, they have a HORSE for sale!"

"A what?"

"A Horse! They got a sign on the back fence over in the alley that says "Horse For Sale."

"Really?"

I gave him a sideways glance - In the two years I have lived here I have never seen a HORSE next door - and began to walk the twenty feet to get a better look at the sign hanging on the neighbors back fence and a quick re-scan of the sign confirmed my suspicions about the cognitive abilities of my chronic loving neighbor.

"Hey neighbor, the sign says "House For Sale"

"Really!? Shit Dude, I guess I was pretty high when I read it...bummer."

This revelation seemed to really bum him out. He was sure there was a horse.

Anyway, I figured my neighbor, who loves a good party, might consider actually buying a horse to help him on his cloudy journey through life, as they seem the preferred legal mode of transport for folks who enjoys tippling a few rounds or sucking from the graffix.

Follow this here link for a more thorough explanation:

Bartender, Call Up My Steed, Dammit!

Paddle for Healthy Hearts

Caine has his paddling for hearts website up, check it out:

paddling for healthy hearts

and here's the route:

C'mon America, Even the "World Wants Kerry for President!"

Feeling left out of the debate, the WORLD chimed in and said,"That Beef-Witted-Bible-Quoting-Dry-Drunk-Fratboy you people call your leader has got to GO!"

I agree! Do You?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/3640754.stm

Kerry effectively tells America, "We're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat."

Well, here it is, Kerry finally lays down some penetrating fire on the Bush/Iraq debacle. Now Kerry must be relentless and keep this tact up and HAMMER, HAMMER, HAMMER away at these bastards, 'cause Rove will sic the scumdogs - the same GOP scumdogs who "leaked" the CBS memos, as if those were'nt cooked up in some sleazy GOP dirty tricks closet of no-shame.

So, don't take my word for it, here is a link to the text of Kerry's speech at NYU today:

http://www.johnkerry.com/pressroom/speeches/spc_2004_0920.html

Oh yes, more good news, there will be THREE, count'um, THREE debates betwixt W and JFK over a two week period and one VP debate betwixt Cheney and Edwards (I guess old "W" ain't feeling as COCKY as he seems in front of the RAPT pre-selected crowds of Red State Brown Shirts he is usually jabbering away to these days). These debates should go a long way towards peeling away some of that cheap red, white and blue warpaint off of Bush's squinty-eyed mug.

Bush Eyes Our Future and Say's "MUST KILL!"

dumb bush
Originally uploaded by waltppk.

Our Dutiful President, George "W-'04" Bush Eyes Our Uncertain Future with two authority worshipping drones and say's "MUST KILL FUTURE!"

Bush Wins!

TV Anchor-Idiot: "Bush Wins!"

Do you want to wake up on November 3rd with those two fearful words screaming down the tubes between your ears?

Are you really ready to sign over your stake in this democracy to that mess of mean-spirited-born-again-shit-eyed-loony-tunes who currently occupy the terror-proof fortress located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?

Are you really prepared for the sort of myopic mandate that a check mark in the GOP presidential win column will guarantee?

If there are two follicles on the top of your head that shiver at the prospect of the NASCAR nation truly getting a hold of the reigns of the Judicial Branch then I beg of you to get off your ass and do something to help John Kerry win this election.

When I took my first bite out of this race over a year ago, I was solidly in the Howard Dean camp and I still think the Democrats may wish they had heeded the advice of conservative (and gay) columnist Andrew Sullivan, when he predicted that the Democrats may have tossed their chance when they fed Dean to the wolf pack in order to move Kerry (or anyone that the DNC could somehow “control”) into the cat bird seat. As I've been thinking about this election, it reminded me of this, a piece that I cut out and kept when it originally ran in Time Magazine, feeling it might be rather prescient and even though Dean is long gone, this piece rings truer today than it may have eight months ago (seems like a lifetime does it not?). I'm still voting for Kerry, and I've got a Kerry sticker on my car, because I will not wake up on November 3rd wishing I had done more to save this country and our democracy, which these Fascist Neo-Cons are well on the way to hijacking, strangling and tossing in the dumpster of history:

From Time Magazine

Monday, Feb. 09, 2004
Why I'm Rooting for Dean
Not for President, of course. But a Bush vs. Dean contest would be ideal
By ANDREW SULLIVAN

A question keeps bugging me. Why have I been rooting for Howard Dean to win the Democratic nomination? I'm not a Democrat or even, in contemporary parlance, a liberal. In pure policy terms, I'm probably closer to John Kerry and John Edwards. What's more, Dean's insistence that war against Saddam was wrong strikes me as morally and strategically misguided. His loose accusations of lying in the White House, his airing of notions that George W. Bush had a warning about 9/11, his bad temper and his occasional nastiness are all reasons to back his opponents.

So why do I keep coming back to the fireplug from Vermont? No, I'm not cynically trying to engineer a Bush landslide. And, no, it's not because John Kerry seems such a tired and faded figure (although that's part of it). I just think that the Democrats' sudden panic about Dean's electability is overblown and that the urge to find someone more superficially "presidential" is a trap. It won't help the Democrats in November (I don't know any Democrats who are actually excited about Kerry), and it will deny all of us a real debate about the future direction of the country.

Dean offers, to purloin a phrase, a choice, not an echo. His pugnacity in defense of his liberal instincts is obviously genuine. After eight years of careful Clintonian positioning, it's refreshing. Compared with Kerry's packaged, tested, hollow rants against "special interests," Dean's straight talk is invigorating. He isn't haunted, as Kerry is, by the specter of Vietnam. Even the famous Iowa scream had more authenticity and fire than Kerry's labored recitation "Bring it on." Unlike Kerry, Dean has held a serious executive office — balancing budgets, reforming health care, innovating on civil rights. Kerry's undistinguished, flip-floppy Senate record is far less impressive.

Is Dean too extreme? On the critical matter of national security, Dean has a more defensible record than Kerry. He backed the first Gulf War, which Kerry couldn't bring himself to do, and the Afghanistan war. His opposition to the Iraq campaign is less a function of knee-jerk isolationism or even left-wing pacifism than a pragmatic judgment about how to fight best. No, alas, he's no Joe Lieberman in the war on terrorism. But his character suggests far more backbone in foreign affairs than does Kerry's Hamlet-like anguish and spin. I don't see Dean as President caving in to Jacques Chirac. And Dean could also save the Democrats from a left-wing split. In 2000 Al Gore lost in part because of the far-left Ralph Nader challenge. Dean has managed to bring these voters back into the fold — without making any drastic policy commitments that could come back to haunt him. Kerry in comparison? Gore redux.

And why not have a candidate who expresses liberal fervor without apology? For a very long time, the Dems haven't allowed themselves to vent about the way they really feel — about those benighted rednecks, clueless preppies, preposterous puritans and economic voodoo artists they believe are running the country. It would be deeply unhealthy for America and the Democrats to repress that any longer. A critical part of Dean — his preppy background, his pastel Christianity, his fiscal prudence, his independent, working wife — truly reflects much of the culture of the Blue States of America. Why on earth shouldn't half the country be represented in a national election?

Would Dean nonetheless be buried in November? Maybe. But maybe not. Bush is vulnerable in many ways — on fiscal negligence, unseen problems in Iraq, corporate coziness. And Dean is a conviction politician. Like Margaret Thatcher, he may command the respect even of those who disagree with him. He once told the New Yorker, "I think the problem with the Democratic Party in general is that they've been so afraid to lose they're willing to say whatever it takes to win. And once you're willing to say whatever it takes to win, you lose." That's a brilliant analysis of what ails the Democrats — and it's why, even under Clinton, they saw their congressional power ebb and collapse. If Dean is a doctor, he's got the diagnosis dead right. I say, Unleash the id.

Besides, Dean has space to move to the center in the spring. He has already made more moderate noises — on taxes (he may not hike them all) and the U.N. (he won't always ask permission to wield American power abroad). His genuine fiscal conservatism and centrist record as Governor might help fend off attacks from the right. But he's not the only vulnerable Democrat on this score. Kerry will be painted as a hyperliberal anyway. Why not have someone who can truly fight back? Sometimes conviction matters. Without it, political parties wither and die. The Democrats haven't seen this kind of nerve in a very long time. They will end up with regrets if they throw it away.

HurriCaine Cortellino Paddles for Hearts!

Howdy! I've been slacking from this blog and I apologize to any and all who check in to look at it. Between Ivan, Charley, Frances, Zell, the Halls of Academia AND some crazy bat-shit stuff that went down last week - I haven't really had much inclination to sit down and write anything - I'm sure you understand.

Now, that said, here's the skinny.

My former congressional candidate and good friend, Caine Cortellino, has cooked up a fun adventure for himself after our loss. He is going to Kayak starting next Thursday from Key West Florida to Savannah. I'd be right there with him if I wasn't previously engaged to five classes. He is raising cash for the American Heart Association here in Savannah. This ran in yesterday's Savannah Morning Newspaper:

A new way to raise Caine?

Remember Caine Cortellino?

The Savannah lobbyist was one of three also-rans in the July 20 Democratic primary election for the 12th Congressional District won by Barrow.

Cortellino soon will be sea-kayaking 670 miles from Key West, the length of the Florida and Georgia coasts, back to Savannah.

The trek, due to start Sept. 23, is intended to benefit the American Heart Association.
He says the trip is dedicated to all heart disease victims, and especially James W. Moss, who died in June and is survived by his brother, Savannahian Roger Moss.

Donations are being solicited on a per-mile basis with multiple levels of giving.
People interested in contributing can contact the Heart Association at 790-2900.
Cortellino's goal? $20,000.

So I say GOOD LUCK Caine, steer to the western edge of the hurricanes eye (least dangerous part) and keep the wind at your back!

There will be a web site up soon and I will link it.

MOTHER OF GOD!

Did you catch Zell’s speech at the RNC?

All I can say is, “Mother of God!”

Actually I can say a lot more. Zell sure didn’t let me down, not for a second! Karl Rove and Company obviously wound his spring so tight backstage at Madison Square Garden that once ole “give’um hell-Zell” lock-stepped up to the GOP podium there was absolutely no stopping him once the two-stroke cyclotron inside his angry little gray head started to whip into action. Zell swung his rusty slingblade far and wide, in the hopes of actually decapitating his former “friend” John Kerry and the rest of his former friends, the Democrats, who are, according to Zell, “out of touch” with the right-wing-neocon-evangelical-war-freaks that make up his current “A” party list.

So, a group of us gathered the other night at a friends house to watch our current senator’s turncoat speech at the Republican National Convention and we invited the media to join us. WTOC Channel 11 sent out a camera crew and reporter and we made the 11 o’clock news directly after Zell and Cheney’s speech, countering his swill and reminding local voters how Zell, so lonely up there in Washington where he is a JUNIOR senator – whereas in Georgia he was the big fish in the pond – found it easier to turn on a party that had been so good to him than to work with it. The question these Republican’s should be asking old Zell is, “If you HATE the Democrats so much, why haven’t you joined us officially?”

You don’t suit up for one team and then carry the water for the other team and expect to be allowed back in the locker room. Here is a speech Zell gave in 2001 here in Georgia introducing John Kerry. Google his speech for the 1992 Democratic Convention, where he introduced Bill Clinton for another example of a mind that has gone way off the rails – in order to sell books. Zell will be a perennial favorite on the Jackboot speaker’s circuit where an hour of his head-spinning and ears belching hot steam will earn him an easy 5 to 10 grand or more a pop.


Introduction of John Kerry by Zell Miller, 2001 (text of speech)

Democratic Party of Georgia's Jefferson-Jackson Dinner

Thursday 01 March 2001

It is good to be back in Georgia and to be with you. I have been coming to these dinners since the 1950s, and have missed very few.

I'm proud to be Georgia's junior senator and I'm honored to serve with Max Cleland, who is as loved and respected as anyone in that body. One of our very highest priorities must be to make sure this man is re-elected in 2002 so he can continue to serve this state and nation.

I continue to be impressed with all that Governor Barnes and Lieutenant Governor Taylor and the Speaker and the General Assembly are getting done over at the Gold Dome. Georgia is fortunate to have this kind of leadership.

My job tonight is an easy one: to present to you one of this nation's authentic heroes, one of this party's best-known and greatest leaders - and a good friend.

He was once a lieutenant governor - but he didn't stay in that office 16 years, like someone else I know. It just took two years before the people of Massachusetts moved him into the United States Senate in 1984.

In his 16 years in the Senate, John Kerry has fought against government waste and worked hard to bring some accountability to Washington.

Early in his Senate career in 1986, John signed on to the Gramm-Rudman-Hollings Deficit Reduction Bill, and he fought for balanced budgets before it was considered politically correct for Democrats to do so.

John has worked to strengthen our military, reform public education, boost the economy and protect the environment. Business Week magazine named him one of the top pro-technology legislators and made him a member of its "Digital Dozen."

John was re-elected in 1990 and again in 1996 - when he defeated popular Republican Governor William Weld in the most closely watched Senate race in the country.

John is a graduate of Yale University and was a gunboat officer in the Navy. He received a Silver Star, Bronze Star and three awards of the Purple Heart for combat duty in Vietnam. He later co-founded the Vietnam Veterans of America.

He is married to Teresa Heinz and they have two daughters.

As many of you know, I have great affection - some might say an obsession - for my two Labrador retrievers, Gus and Woodrow. It turns out John is a fellow dog lover, too, and he better be. His German Shepherd, Kim, is about to have puppies. And I just want him to know ... Gus and Woodrow had nothing to do with that.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Senator John Kerry.

DIXIE BLOW-HARD ZELL MILLER & HURRICANE FRANCES UPDATE

There MAY be a hurricane once again bearing down on my town. I have never ridden out a hurricane and there is a part of me that always wants to experience something at least ONCE. I’ve experience Earthquakes in California and the LA Riots, though no WIND & WATER related natural phenomena/disasters.

This particular bitch's name is FRANCES and at the current hour she's picking up steam (winds clocked at 140mph) near the Turks and Caicos islands, on, as the weather.com states, “a relentless course toward the southeast U.S,” and the last time I checked a map, Savannah, my town, is located in the SOUTHEAST U.S., on the coast.

So…we’ll just have to wait and see what she’s going to do.

If she’s even half as mean as last months Hurricane Charley, which essentially ripped little old Punta Gorda FLA right off the map, then some town, somewhere between the Keys and Cape Hatteras North Carolina, is in for a less than celebratory Labor Day weekend.

Hurricane David, way back in 1979, was the last hurricane to make landfall in Savannah and even it was downgraded to a category 1 as it’s winds were clocked at 80mph. The last city-wide evacuation was in 1999 for Floyd, but it never hit.

I'm sure the local news STORM TEAMS will keep a good eye on her as they deploy their DOPPLER RADAR and LASERS and SATELLITES and all the other modern gimcrackery that they never forget to pimp, "SUPER-DOPPLER!" which is far more righteous and awesome than just mere DOPPLER.

The GOP could use the SUPER-DOPPLER in New York this week.

The stink of imminent defeat is whipping through the caverns of mid-town Manhattan as they gather for their third jack-booted night at Madison Square Garden to Sieg Heil my lame ass Senator, Zell Miller, who Georgia Democrats have officially divorced for obvious reasons, as he goes on and on about how, "his party abandoned him and the other 'Re-Dem-O-Publi-Crats' of Georgia (Former Southern, far from liberal Democrats from the good-old days of Jim Crow, which looked a whole lot like the Neo-Con-Evangelical-War Loving Republicans of today - see; Strom Thurmond, Wallace, Miller, etc. - GOOD Democrats until that damned LBJ gave the "coloreds" their civil rights)."

Anyway, it should be a thorougly disgusting bend-over-arse-plug for Zell, who really needs some friends, after abandoning all of his old ones in order to shill some books to the LEFT BEHIND crowd.

So, that is that.